According to the weather forecast, the sun will be out by monday.
That isn't really what I was referring to. Week 1 is almost over. Week one was hell. I smiled, I went about my duties at my jobs, and I kept on smiling.
When Asked by a friend how was handling my "school" situation, I really had no answer. I am so proud that I have only broken down once, and though many other times have presented themselves, I kept composure. I kneel and pray. It helps a lot. I cant explain where this strength is coming from and I can only conclude that God is somewhere in the middle of it.
I want to be ok, and happy. Although I may not seem gloomy, at the end of the day there is still that part of me that wishes to be updating statuses about how my new classes are going. I have gotten text messages and calls from people who I know want to know what happened, and I cant seem to answer them. My text are short and to the point. I hope they understand. My biggest fear is that I will break if
I talk to them.
IT isn't good to be envious of people. This I know. But at the moment I am struggling with this. I envy those who are in school right now. I envy every single person who is sitting at the desk I would be sitting at in every class.
I envy those who have no financial issues.
I envy those who have support such as family, friends, husbands, boyfriends, etc.
The days will come and go. and the time will pass and I will too be okay right?
2 comments:
Yes, my friend you will be ok... Although I do not fully know your current situation, but I am here for you. Yes, I do know that you have no family members here, but I do want you to know that You have me. As to I am fairly alone. I am always alone literly.
In life there will always be problems, it is how you handle them that shape you whom you will become and what character you will have.
As far as your family goes, a close friend told me this at one point in my life, "At times my friends are my family. Because, Friends you are able to choose in your life and tresure you the most. But when it comes to Family you cannot choose them. You are just stuck with them".
I know exactly where you are coming from about envy of others. I to am envy of family and friends that have a husband/boyfriend to lean on when i have no one at all not even a brother nor a sister to turn to. I to envy the fact that I have a financial troubles and I am barely making it with rent , food, and a bit for extras.
I want you to know that you are not alone in those issues. I am right there with you ... Gloomy i was there at the library working there year after year after year with no one. You saw me work and for the most days I smiled my pain away, but until i was alone that is when my true feelings bursted out into tears. i know exactly how you feel. and i still feel the same way.
But, I now have come to the conclusion that the fact is God gave us these alone times to figure everything out before we have boyfriends that would turn into fiances, that would turn into husbands, that would make us into mothers. He does this so that we oursleves are able to conpose ourselves and know what to do , and when to do it so when our family needs us we are ok and there for them.
We have the oppertunity to find ourselves in the mist of this storm, we call life.
I want it all but i first have to focus on my career, to provide for my family . And these financial issues are what come with being prepared to what we may be going through with our own family.
So keep your head and heart strong.
YES, God is there he is why we have stuck with our life for so long...
HE has filled them with skill...Exodos35:35
You were born prepacked. God looked at your entire life, determined your assignment, and gave you the tools to do the job. Before traveling, you do something similar. You consider the demands of the journey and pack accordingly. Cold weather? Bring a jacket. Business meeting? Carry the laptop. Time with grandchildren? Better take some sneakers and pain medication. God did teh same with you. Joe will research animals... instal curiosity. Meagan will lead a private school...an extra dose of managment. I need eric to comfort the sick... include a healthy share of compassion. Denalyn will marry Max... instill a double portion of patience. God packed you on purpose for a purpose...
... HE has filled them with skill...Exodos35:35
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