I have just realized this. Me living amongst the wonderful people I am currently living with has given me a feeling like I finally belong. After living on my own for years now, it never did occur to me how lonely I was. It almost makes me feel like I was depressed. Coming from a large family gets you used to the noise, and it doesn't matter that you go off on your own, the noise will always be something you miss-even if you don't realize it. Feeling like you belong never gets old.
Truth be told... weekends have never been this blissful.
Having to get used to everyone sitting down when eating is something that I have quickly become used to. My large family never did get this down. I remember trying on a few occasions to get everyone to eat at the same time. Each and every time was a failure. I gave up. It is extremely hard to get everyone home at the same time and what really didn't work to our advantage was the fact that the dinner table was never big enough. Weekends now are pure bliss. We lounge around and listen to music, I clean and I enjoy every minute of it. My concept of "family time" has only improved because of this. I can't imagine it getting any better... and I know that it will one day end... it saddens me but I refuse to think about that now. I will enjoy every minute of it and hopefully I can move on when the time comes.
Truth be told... I may be falling.
As if my feelings needed to be encouraged... lol. He is becoming my best friend, in every essence of the phrase. I look for his approval, I LISTEN to his advice and its all because I know he genuinely means it. I have no doubt in my mind he wants and hopes the best for me- just as I do for him. I wish this wasn't such a complicated situation but I doubt that I would have it any other way. I hope for the best but will prepare for the worst. I wish I had control over my feelings and if I did, rest assure that I would choose not to feel this way.
"the mind can calculate, but the spirit yearns, and the heart wants what the heart wants." King
