after doing much of anything, I made my way to work to drop off paperwork.
Since I was already in the neighborhood I dropped by my parents house only to scold my little brother.
He is currently under punishment. Although by my standards, its not a punishment. His last progess report contained 2 D's, 1 B, and 4 A's. There is no excuse for the D's if he has 4 A's. He hates reading and writing, and hes failing language arts and science.
I paid a visit to his science teacher on Friday. My little brother thought I was bluffing when I told him I would be there to speak to his teachers.
We got the science D cleared up. Turns out there is another boy in the same class period, who has my brothers name. First and last. They even sit at the same table. For some reason the teacher was being careless when entering grades and got the two mixed up.
He was supposed to collect missed work from his LA teacher and when he failed to do this. I got on his case. So as a consequence, for the break he has to read for at least an hour a day and practice his instrument at least 30 minutes EVERYDAY.
Its hard. I have to be on him, and it would be so much easier if i lived with him, but since I don't I have to find ways to make sure this is done daily. hes been doing good. Today, he grumbled at me some. He was outside playing football with the other kids in the neighborhood and basically embarrassed him a bit. It was past 6:30 pm and he still hadn't practice his instrument.
My mom then makes a request. That I come by to make sure he is doing what I asked him to do. I was doing well at not meddling in on how they discipline the boys. This was for many reasons, but mostly it was because, ED made me realize that even though I may feel the need to lecture them and be on top of their studies, it is really not my place to do any of it. It made sense then, especially because I was having a hard time finding time to make sure they were ok.
After I saw his progress report, i realized that although ed was right, I couldn't do it. I couldn't just ignore it. Kinda makes me feel special that he feared showing me his grades. He knew too well what was coming, and he was a nervous wreck the day I went to his school.
I hope one day he realizes why I am hard on him.
After dealing that, I drove to a lake/park nearby. I took my headphones out and jogged to Pandora via my cell. Christmas station.
There is something about jogging and listening to music that just lets me feel at ease. I tend to do a lot of thinking. My thoughts today trailed to the prayer I have made for 2 years. I feel like I am finally getting it answered.
I started realizing that Its going to be very hard to just let go. Pushing away from the thing you want the most is by far the hardest thing I have dealt with. It's like seeing a toy you want really bad... and then finding out you're not getting it.
All I can ask now is for God to just send understanding, and for my heart to heal quickly. I don't wish to find anyone to mend it. I just want to be okay. I want to finish my degree.. maybe do some missionary work, then grad school and see where God takes me.
after my jog.. i felt a little sad, sad to realize that I am finally beginning to be okay with letting go, couldn't really dwell on that because after a shower...I made tamales!!!
just call me the tamale making machine. :D
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