Keeping the Faith

I don't know what else to do but keep the Faith.

Life seems to have found its favorite subject to pick on. Why is it that when I can finally see a dim light.. something ends up sweeping by and blowing it out?

I am excited to for this coming Tuesday.

Since my last post, I have found a new job as a Site Facilitator. I will be in charge of 100+ students and about 3 other staff members. I am nervous for many reasons.

One, the staff. As far as I know they are much older ladies coming to help. I am not knew at being in charge of a position, nor am I knew at at instructing people to do things. But I have experience with older people feeling like my opinion doesn't matter and that because of my age i shouldn't hold such a position. They may be right, because after all they do have more life experience than i do... but it is I that they have given the position to, not them.

I am also nervous because the school is new to me and although i spent a brief amount of time there on Friday, i still don't know what to expect on that first day. The chaos, but I am sure i will find a routine that works for us best.

It is going to be crazy.. but even so.. i have faith that it will all turn out ok.

I have been going over my budget and with tuition and insurance due around the corner i cannot help but stress and yes... break down at the thought of everything and at the thought of the fact that I am coming up blank when it comes to finding a solution.

At the thought of all of this i came to realize that keeping the faith is much much MUCH harder than it seems. A lot of the times i want to just be angry at God for not listening to my prayers and at wondering why this Life is so complicated at times.

Why is ti that my life differs from that of anyone else? I know that I lot of it, if not most of it has to do with the choices I have made for myself. But Why does life insist on beating on me, raining on my parade, or hiding the sunshine???

The rewards at the end of it all, I can only hope, they will be worth the tears, sacrifices etc. I have given all that I am able to give to my studies and my faith. When It comes to faith, I know that he acknowledges it, but HE just has a funny way of showing it.


blah.. that is it for now... my shift just ended and I am about to go jog.. I just need to get my mind off of things.

Au Revoir!