Getting on Facebook and seeing friends of mine (most from out of state) post their graduation pictures makes feel like im soo behind. To be completely honest I am. I wasnt expecting to still be working on my BA. God knows it hasnt been easy and I am aware that the next 2 semester *crosses fingers* wont be a walk in the park.
I dont mean to be nosy... but i love looking at those pictures of thier families and friends at graduation. I think a lot of it has to do with my decision to not walk the stage once I do finish. Dont get me wrong, I would love to walk the stage and be part of the ceremony, in fact for the longest time ive imagined how that day would be like.
But I have realized that if i cant even share how well of a semseter I had with my family, I cant expect much of my graduation annoucement. And its not that I cant share it with them because i cant but the hurt at not getting any acknowledgement at all, is just somehting I am not willing to go through.
i dont want a party, i dont want them to brag to people.. I would just want them to at least say "que bueno, me alegro." is that too much to ask?
I busted my butt off for two whole semesters and I am still going at it trying to pay off tuition and not once did I go to them and ask them for financial help. I could have because God knows there were many times i was really struggling. I know that they may not have the means to help me out with a lot but if they managed to collect X amount of money for the purchase of a vehicle or throw parties every other weekend i was sure they would've had the means to help me out.
Back in 2006 when i started school.. it was all about them. I was doing this for all of my family. My older siblings who didnt have the oppourtunity to go to college, for my younger siblings, so as to set the example I never had, and for my parents, my mother especially, so she wouldnt have to work anymore.... as the years have come and gone the reasons have ceased to be about them. i know it sounds evil you might even sense bitterness in that, but thats not entirely true. like i said.. at first it was all about them..and now im finding that the reasons for just working so hard at this is mostly about me. I'm still doing this for my little brothers, my nephew too, and When i do have my carreer i plan to help my parents out financially as much as I can, but I am first going to take care of myself.
Ive worked too hard, and Ive been my OWN cheerleader when things get tough... Ive been the one to comfort myself when im too stressed out or just simply want to give up.
So as much as Id like to walk the stage, If i do, it will only be for me. When it comes to my family i can predict that I will probably have to ASK them if they'd like to come and I dont know about you but i dont think I should be asking them, they should be wanting, willing, or maybe even anticipating the date to arrive. I am sure that there will be some wedding, a quinceanera, a random party, that will compete with my graduation ceremony and if i know my family they will probably "think" about which one to go to... they will probably end up going to my ceremony, but deep down they would wnat to be elsewhere because why else would they debate on what event to go to. I dont need nor want them to be there unless I knew that they would drop whatever it is that they were doing to just see me walk that stage.
I know that i have to endure at least 2 more long, stressful, semesters before i have to worry about graduations but as of now, my decision stands. maybe ill save my experience for when I receive my MA, maybe by then ill be married and my husband will surely support and know how much ive waited to have some one sincerely be there on my side of the court cheering me on......
lol...
No comments:
Post a Comment