I had told myself that I would make the time to write on here after school was out.. and well I have failed. May will leave and this will be one of a whoping three blogs for this month.
oh well.....
I'm still trying to catch up on sleep from last semester.. and I feel more exhausted now during the day than when school was in session.. GO FIGURE!!! I have my theories on this matter....
MOVING on....
I am currently annoyed at certain people.. Superman being one of them... Grr..... and don't even get me started on CS.
CS is not worth mentioning.... does that pretty much give you an idea how much of an annoyance he is to my life at the moment?? I hope it does... JERK!
Superman... I cant really be mad at the guy... my annoyance with him is in reality just annoyance with my self at how I react to him. blah! that book on the Ruling planets probably made this much more ... whats the word??? complicated??? no its not complicated... umm I guess it just made it more difficult to understand.....
It bugs me that these guys call me.. what bugs me more is that I care to Answer!!!! I shouldn't answer... and I almost didn't answer superman's call last night but for somereason I did..
Hes mourning a loved one, so I'm glad I was there. I wished I'd known about this and I would have made a point to include his family in my prayers but ahh! why must he call me to complain about his selfish, unappreciative, cold-hearted girlfriend?!?!
I guess it bugged me because I heard it in his voice... he just wanted to get his mind off of what he was going through and this "girl" didnt want to waste GAS to come see him??!
what am i supposed to say to the guy???
but there goes tere... the dummy... answering phone calls she shouldn't... and trying to make things better, trying to convince him that she's good for him... and that he needs to work at communicating his feelings so that it may workout...
I just have to stop this nonsense... stand my ground... and let him deal with things on his own right?
right?!
you know.. if I could just get the answer to one thing... it would be, WHY and WHAT?
WHAT comes into their head the minute THEY decided to call me? and WHY me??? what is it that makes them dial my number or send a text my way...
is it what BV said.... The more and more I think about his words the more I am starting to believe them...
BV is a very good friend of mine. (although hes far away and living a full life, about to become a father) He's always made see reality sometimes hes the only one that has been able to tell me the truth even though it hurts. He once told me that men, when they are down in the slumps, when someone has hurt them, their ego, their self-esteem, they tend to look for that one thing, that one person who made them feel good inside... could this be?? HArd to imagince that I would make anyone feel like that... but its a good answer, its also the ONLY answer that makes sense, even if i dont believe it. He also reminded me that i cant get my hopes up... not that I would with these guys... its impossible due to certain circumstances... that just because they were reaching out to me didn't mean they'd want me. He told me they would "USE" me to get their confidence back.. to feel on top of the world again and more than likely I would be left again...
You know why I believe the guy? cus he said he'd done it. what a jerk eh? But you know.. it takes a lot for a guy to confess such things, to realize something of that magnitude takes a lot of courage... and to open up about it is just well down right admirable.
enough of this crap! jaja
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