friendship schedule

ok first things first... I guess an update would be nice no?


ok.. been at my new place for at least two weeks. Still very little furniture but I am loving having a fridge and stove.

My new job- ah! where to begin... there's so much to say on this subject that it should get its own post but I guess all that I can leave you with is that it pays and money is something I need to catch up with my tuition payments in order to register for the fall. I will be doing summer school too but I am not sure where.. it may be at the sister school.. St. Mary's, it all depends on weather a grant goes through for me or not.

ok.. back to the title of my blog...

Superman, has made a reappearance into my life...again... just recently. As you might recall, I had mentioned he was dating this one girl I have for one of my classes. Last week, I saw him for the very first time this semester! yes.. its almost over and I just saw him. I wish I would have seen him approaching so as to avoid the awkwardness between us- or at least my awkwardness. I was caught off guard and though he didn't say anything, I couldn't help but say hi. All i got was a couple of pats on my shoulder and off he went. he was obviously very late for class. Didn't think much of it and just went on. Having a missed called from him was very unusual and quiet frankly it made me uneasy.

He called at the same time he used to phone me... smack down in the middle of the night... 2am... I didn't hear it and wasn't aware til the next morning. I decided to send him a text and wish him a happy Easter.

He ends up calling me again a couple of nights later... we talked, caught up and he gave me the speech everyone seems to be giving me lately... which isn't worth mentioning, because it just proves my theory that NO ONE gets it (or rather, no one gets me).

He then proceeds to ask me a childish question...
"if i tell you something, you promise not to get upset and stop talking to me?"
what the Fudge! are we in 5th grade again or what?!
I already knew what this was about... he wanted to tell me that he was dating someone else... and i was right.

I laughed and let him know how silly I think he is being. I told him what I told two other guys who once asked me the same thing. This has happened way too many times in my book and frankly its dumb.. I know how insecure girls can be.. HELLO I'm one of them!!..
Obviously he wanted to see if we could still be friends. I told him the only way I will cease being a friend to him or any other guy who is a friend is if the girl he is dating has an issue with them being friends with me. does this make sense??? lol.. ahh! its so annoying..

take MM for example...
We met through mutual friends... he was very reserved and id like to think that I was among the few people whom he confided in. We would go to the movies, hang out at the book stores, and talk about issues and life in general- our relationship was a good one. I never felt like he wanted more out of it, -just true, genuine friendship. this friendship lasted years... as he dated several girls I blended in and out of his life. It appeared I only existed when he was taking "a break" from the dating scene. I was just that.. a pal, a friend never to be seen as nothing more. Some of his relationships lasted for months, and during these months I didn't answer calls or text as often as I would. He accused me of not being a good friend and I had to make it very clear that it was truly out of respect for his girlfriends. He often introduced me to a couple of them and for those that dont know... girls are pretty quick on picking up clues when other Females are not so friendly.

Its often the case. A guy cant have girls who are friends and have a girlfriend. why?! Who knows.. jealousy, insecurities, you name it.. the female species is a complicated issue, almost impossible to dissect fully.

No matter what though, the minute MM needed advise, (post breaking up with gf) there i was. I didn't mind. Some people tell me I liked to get used. But they are entitled to their opinions as I am. I know that this will be the case for Superman. If he decides to ever hang out again or start calling me up as often as he once did. I will be there, answering calls, hanging out (of course that is if time permits and my studies are in jeapordy) just as we once did.

Through all of this I started wondering if this is just how all guys will eventually see me as, good old reliable Teresa, always there, no matter what happens. It almost sounds like I am being used does'nt it? ESpecially because when i have needed a freind, (A guy friend- sometimes being around my own kind, gets a bit annoying.. too many hormones i guess..lol) they seem to be not there, or it seems as if the friendship is only allowed on thier watch.

But this is my fault. I dont reach out to them. I guess it just bums me out that I once had this, and now I don't. The sad part is that I am not sure if I will ever be able to reach out and say "hey! remember me?"