There's this void... and I can't seem to shake it off.

I don't know for certain when it all started. I am uncertain as to the conditions it came upon. At first, it was people just telling me I was being weird. Most of the time I agreed with with them. I wasn't moody, or evil towards anyone.. just quiet.

Being alone, living alone, has brought this appreciation for silence, and just being still...even if its for two seconds. I now know that in being quiet, I find myself. I find this peace. I think its because I have finally realized that no one will ever understand the inner workings of my brain, mind, heart.. soul..

I have wrapped my world around school. As where my intentions... and I like it like that. I plan to continue this until I am satisfied. Last week I felt trapped in a bubble.. a bubble that I volunteered for. Midterms were out of this world. The pressure of making the grade.. studying every bit of info fed to me was tiresome. On top of all that I had to shove aside the thought of finding a new place, and the worry of making tuition payments aside. I have faith... and right now.. its probably the one thing that is keeping me here.. breathing.

I share less, cry more, but I know that my prayers are floating around somewhere.. waiting to be answered.I thought it all had to do with school, midterms, etc.
I guess I was wrong... Midterm results are in 2 A's 3B's... A little bummed for the B- but I am trying not to be so hard on myself. Considering the chaos my mind was under.. I am proud. I anxiously awaited these results because I had the hopes that I would get rid of this emptiness. That I would go back to just feeling okay.. I was wrong. Its still lingering and maybe I am being weird, or maybe people are right and I am depressed. who the heck knows??
oh but I do.. I always do...


And the worst part is that I feel completely lost....