This might be a long one. You have been warned. lol.
First, I would like to start with a disclaimer. Although this post will contain milestones I wish to reach in my life, it in no way means that I am ready or willing to take those steps RIGHT NOW. We clear?? ok then... moving on.
So hmm.. where to start? so lately, I have realized that I'm old.. and I'm only gonna get older as time goes by... ok don't shoot me and although this may be something a blonde would say (no offense) it has just hit me.
I have done nothing right in the eyes of my parents, siblings and well friends. What I am referring to is for example... if it were up to my parents, I'd be married by now, with a couple of kids AT LEAST. In the eyes of my siblings, I am simply too conservative... I need to date more, I need to dress better (apparently I don't show enough skin.. what the??!! sooo not me!) in order to potentially get a boyfriend.
When it comes to my friends.. they seem to think that I need to get "out there." what is "out there" anyway? a! They also probably think I'm too picky... or simply stuck on someone.. They've never shared any of this.. but one can only conclude as such. So I pray about all this.. what ever you wanna call it. And then it hits me.. There's nothing wrong with going out... (problem is that I have no dinero to spend)... when I get invited out by a male friend, I tend to take it as just that... an invite to go out not as a date. I usually need to be told by my friends, or the guy asking me out, that it is a date. As soon as it is labeled, I usually don't end up going anywhere.
So I keep praying, asking God to just make it all easier... What does he do? He sends me a guy who constantly wants to "hang out." worse part is that we work together, the best part is that its only on Saturdays... He's a good guy.. not my type tho. Well he keeps at it, asking me out, texting randomly throughout the day, so I end up saying yes to a movie one Friday night. I do this not because I feel bad that I keep saying no, but because maybe everyone is right, and it couldn't hurt to just go out for a movie.
So I get off of work and head home to wait for him to come for me. The hour passes, and I'm thinking hes running late, no big deal. He sends me a text saying he got asked to stay late at work.. NO BIG DEAL right? I send him a text saying "its cool." Meaning its cool that you re gonna be late.
Well guess what?! He never showed up! NO BIG DEAL RIGHT?! I talked to an old friend and I tell her what happened, she tells me that my response ("its cool") probably led him to believe that what I meant was "its cool maybe some other time." I totally didn't buy this...
So I sat home and thought that something had happened to him. He sends me a text 4 hours later telling me hes sorry... that he got home and was so tired he fell asleep.
why didn't he just say that? I would have understood! How much effort does it take to send a text saying "I'm tired..how about some other time." I felt foolish. Horrible. I get told to not bother anymore with this guy, to tell him off because he stood me up. It wasn't a big deal but ha! i laughed later because here I am thinking God wants me to get out some more by sending me this guy and then this happens. lol.. funny eh?
Ok here's another thing, my weekly visit to my parents become more torturous with each visit.... Grand kids all over the place, my brother with his wife, my sister with her bf, one of my brother just moved out of my parents house and is now living with his gf, and another one going through a divorce but happy as can be because hes got his kids and a "friend" he seems to be happy to be with.
Seems like I have more in common with my 10 year old little brother who's dealing with taking the TAKS in 2 weeks. life is crazy... So I pray about this.. Asking Him to take this the feeling of getting left behind away. I pray that I continue on my path knowing that in His time, I too will one day have a wonderful person to share my life with and be blessed with the caring of the children he decides to sends us. He knows how much I am looking forward to this part of my life, and he knows how impatient I can get, so I ask him to put these thoughts away. I was sure he was listening.
Here comes the funny part. I attend weekly meetings for my MIE group every Thursday night. I am usually the first one there and wait patiently til everyone arrives. The first week, I took notice of this Vase filled to the rim with pieces of small papers, rolled up. I know what these are. Its scripture for the taking. You take one, at random and its supposed to speak to you. ok so its not supposed to speak to you, but for me.. it usually does. I take one and open it to read it.
From the book of MARK, Chapter 10, verses 2-12:
Jesus said to the Pharisees, "God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become as one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no man must separate..."
Not laughing yet? Well that is what I pulled out on the first week. The second week I go, I reach and shuffle my hand in the vase, I grab a hold of a rolled up piece of paper and pull it out. I'm pretty sure they refill this thing in the week, and I'm sure that they don't print out the same verses often (I had to ask so i did) but guess what verse I got on the second week?
The EXACT SAME VERSE from the first week. I'm not sure what He is trying to tell me, and maybe I'm reading too much into it.. but ah! This was too weird. This past week.. I walked passed the vase of scriptures without taking one. I know that the chances of taking one and getting the same verse that I have gotten three times in row were very unlikely, but I didn't want to take any risks. lol
Friday, I go to the monthly meetings with the Women I went on a retreat with and guess what my group discussed.. THIS VERY SAME THING. I can't go into depth of what was said because of "the rule" but I'm seriously dumbfounded at times at how He tries to get my attention, and I end up frustrated because I don't know what He is trying to tell me.
So I pray.. and I will continue to do my best to follow in his footsteps .
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