I used to think that when things were bad and then got worse, God was angry. Because I didn't know anybetter, I would get angry right back at him. I would cry my eyes out and ask him why he tormented me and I constantly asked him what it is that I had done wrong just to be sure I didn't do it again.
So with ZERO money to do or buy anything, (btw, i do mean zero - no lie..wanna see my bank statement? :-D) I have gotten used to living a simple and inexpensive life. The cup of Ramen noodles I carry DAILY has become part of my identity at work. lol. I don't mind, its a joke.. jokes keep daily life from getting too boring. I have probably drank the same amount of water that a kiddie pool contains since Late August.... maybe more... lol.
I sometimes shower and get dressed in the dark, I unplug everything when not in use.. cept for the alarm clock, just to save energy, anything to make it Less expensive because times are hard. I have never been one of those people who sit outside, anxiously waiting for mailman to deliver thier income tax return... This year... I might just be that person. Well I have yet filed, and I doubt that I'll have the time to sit and wait for it to come, but I hope its a good sum. (anything right now is good)
My computer was acting all weird saying it was infected and didn't allow me to do anything..I need money to get that fixed but I have made accomodations for the lack of one at home. A guy from school let me borrow and extra one he had in the meantime. It helps but I don't want anything to happen to it so I use it if and only it is absolutley necessary. Having a laptop thats not yours break down on you usually means you have to pay... which means money which means ZERO. I'm sorry I'm being redundant. I am sorry if this blog is "depressing" or just annoying because all i do is complain. But I don't think I am complaining. I am getting to the point I promise.
Everything that could go wrong for me has. I am grateful for the strength I have found in my faith (in part because I attend a catholic university, and also the wonderful ladies I know because of the parish I go to). I have just been notified that I need to look for another place to live. The house is being put up for sale and I will probably not find anything better than this anywhere... in fact I'm sure I won't.
I mentioned before that one of my brothers moved out of my parents, so my first thought was hey, I'll just move back with them. As quickly as that thought entered my head, so did the millions of reasons why it would never work, and the reminder of all the times I tried to make it work but didn't (maybe a post for someother time). So as Mr. Webb put it, it is "uncessary drama" in the middle of a hectic and crucial semester. Something I don't need or want, but this is how it must be. I will not repeat the tantrums thrown at God for doing this to me, I will not question why or what I did wrong. This is simply a test or how much I can endure and overcome. This is me putting every ounce of faith I have in Him and allowing him to steer the course of where ever and what ever it is I am supposed to be and do.
No comments:
Post a Comment