As Promised..

SuperMan,
also known as the prince in the white horse (more like a white camero),

*sigh* where do I begin, lol, Perhaps the beginning? That would mean going back to my 4th grade. He was in 5th grade and surprisingly we ended up in the same reading class… even then I knew he was pretty smart, (of course so was I lol) being in the highest reading level taught at that time.

I remember he always looked like he belonged somewhere else… or was it me? lol…. Ah, then there was middle school, the times our eyes met, in the hall, how I used to pass by the library when he was a student assistant just to see if I could catch a glimpse of him… There was something about him that just caught my attention, but being the shy girl I was, looking from afar sufficed.

And then there was high school, ah that darn school! Lol I’d see him and knew who he was, of course I would! Duh! Lol. … Watching him from a distance was interesting, there was always a girl near him, and I remember smiling and thinking ‘ there goes the guy who has it all, and has even been to David Robinsons house!!’ (long story, that goes back to grade school! )

His senior year, my junior year
goofing off and getting to know him while spending my time in morrow’s class while he had her class was nice. LOL I still remember morrow telling me, WARNING, me he was nothing but trouble. I assured her time and time again that it wasn’t like that, that he had no interest in me in that way. It is she who told me something I will always remember, to be upfront about what I was feeling. Hence the letter I wrote to him.

(a letter which hes kept all these years, he read it to me over the phone one night and it made me cringe, NOTE TO GIRLS EVERYWHERE – some guys keep ‘rejection letters’ and it wasn’t a rejection letter, but he assures it was. I just did what morrow advised me to do, tell him straight out that we were just friends.) ¬

Summer 09 Transfer Orientation-
Walking into a room I had been in for training before, now somehow felt different and strange; this was the school I would soon be attending, the blue room. Mingling among strangers made me feel out of place and I longed for a familiar face and I soon pushed that thought away because I knew I wouldn’t see anyone I knew. But then he walked in.. (to my defense I didn’t see him walk in and had no idea he was there, after all, he did walk in about half an hour late!) The group was separated in smaller groups and then fate kicks in placing us in the same group.

Touring the school and going to register for classes and everything else they had us do, was nice because we were able to catch up… and laugh mostly laugh, at how weird and how long we had known each other.

He blew me away, made me feel so nice, like someone cared. Most of all I loved that I got a chance to see if there had been anything there. I was able to explain why I had written him that letter in high school …

So he got to me, on a level only one other guy, “R” has gotten to know(this is very ironic because I guess you can say that back in high school I picked “R” over him, I met “R” around this time but that’s another story)… he listened, he had me figured out and it scared the living daylight out of me…. he even knows why , the true meaning of why I always wear something (a ring, a rubber band, etc.) on my ring finger

That summer I toured the country, not really I’m exaggerating but doesn’t it sound adventurous? Lol anyway…calling him and getting calls from someone back home was nice and I realized that it was something I missed having. He listened to all the places I had been and really lifted my spirits when no one else could or knew how to.

School started and seeing him around campus was just so neat! But I soon started to realize that there was something wrong with this picture. This guy is good looking, not that looks matter all that to me… he takes care of himself and at times he seemed vain and although it bugged me a bit, other qualities he possessed made me overlook this. He had a way of making the girls at school stare. When I would walk into a class they’d whisper and would occasionally talk too loud and I’d hear what they were saying. Needless to say I felt LUCKY!

He was there for my birthday and made the night really special for me. He’s truly a gentleman and I hope he ends up with a great girl, someone who can make him happy and appreciate his values and morals. I mostly pray for him to find someone who will be willing to give her whole heart to him, something I know I could never do.

I haven’t seen him at all this semester and we’re on week 3 already. Sometimes I wonder if it was the letter he wrote to me, or the one I wrote to him that made this be just a fling, a phase, or maybe a wake-up call to reality. I knew deep down that even though I liked him the feeling wouldn’t last, because it never did with other guys, that I would soon realize that my heart wasn’t in it. I was reminded that I had given my whole heart away already, I knew that in order to pursue whatever this was I would have to get it back. The thought scared me and I knew that the fear wasn’t of getting it back, but realizing that I didn’t want it back.

I know that I may never have the courage to say this to his face; even though I promised him I would… but here it goes,

I never lied, you are a great guy, and you asked me to tell you when someone came into my life that blew you out of the water. I told you he would have to be someone really great guy in order to do that. I don’t know if I will ever meet someone like that, but perhaps I already had or have him in my life. He isn’t better than you and you aren’t better than he is, it isn’t about a competition, because when it comes to “this” it is never a contest. I do want to apologize for misleading you or maybe misreading the signals. You deserve a girl who isn’t in so “focused in school.” You need someone who looks just as good as you do in designer clothes, in your “white horse” – (he knew my dislike in cars especially sport cars lol) etc... Thank you for thinking I would make the perfect wife, mother and best friend. Thank you for listening, thank you for thinking and letting me know I am great. Maybe what we had, was perfect and that going beyond would have ruined it.