Lessons 2010 left me with...

Happy New year!!

I have been horrible at keeping a blog thus far. The good news is that I have about 360 days left to make it better.

The Holidays were good. I was able spend it with my family. Nothing really out of the ordinary. It still has not hit me that this is a new year. If your are wondering... I never did find the Christmas Spirit.

I thought of my first blog for this new year to be about resolutions. The more I thought about it the more I realized that no one really goes through with resolutions for a new year.

Instead, I have decided to mention a few of the lessons 2010 taught me. It was quite a year, and although I NO LONGER dwell in the past, I do however, believe that who I am Today, is in fact because of what I have learned in the past. Here are a few of my lessons... read on.

Lesson Learned on FAMILY -

You only got one! They may be different, and their beliefs and thoughts may be worlds away from yours but in the end you are in that family for a reason.

God has blessed me so much. If you are a follower and have read previous posts, you might say I complain a lot about my family, and its true.  There have been times where I have been hurt by them, but despite all of that I wouldn't trade them for the world. Things are turning out for the better around my family. I no longer question why they treat me the way they do, I just accept it. I will continue to accept them because God has given me patience and understanding. God will comfort me when I don't understand why they can't accept me and the decisions I have made for myself. God will be my biggest support when I continue my efforts towards school and anything else that may come about.

Lesson Learned on Friendship -

I made so many new friends this year, All the people I interned with are all still considered friends because despite being all over the country, they are still people I can call and talk to for hours on issues that are dear to our hearts. I can call them to meet up even after going months without any communication and pick up right were we left off.

one of the biggest lessons I have learned is that when it comes to being called a friend, it is all about acceptance. I am no one to judge, I am ashamed that I judge a specific individual because their life didn't reflect mine.

Oh also, a word of advice, don't let your friends date your siblings... tee hee hee...especially if you are really good friends.  LOL Things can get a bit messy. this is a joke. haha.. i guess i am quiet the matchmaker... unintentionally of course. Someone I befriended in 6th grade  is now my sister in law... My BF in second grade dated one of my brothers, it didn't work out.. I don't talk to her anymore. A girl I has so much in common with dated another brother of mine and well shes was also weird with me after things ended with them. It just sucks... cus I don't intervene and I can handle them being with my siblings but when its over its as if they break up with me too. Its inevitable, a friendship is bound to change if family gets involved especially if they date. I am hoping I am wrong because I have another really good friend who is dating my OTHER brother and well the idea that our friendship may be altered if things between them don't work out is kinda of disappointing...and sad. I am however very hopeful.

To the friends you  have had for years, applaud them for they have put up with you. LOL Cherish those Friendships and pray that they continue to grow.

LESSON Learned on FAITH -
"god answers prayers in three ways, Yes, No, and Not yet." Keep asking away, eventually your prayers do get answered.
When they do, when he gives you a YES, please give HIM credit, and thank him for his blessings upon you.

God doesn't give us anything we cant handle. Life is hard, being an adult is extremely hard, and sometimes the worse thing one can do is loose faith. If things don't turn out in your favor chances are God have you a "NO". Accept it, don't hold a grudge, and don't be mad at HIM. ask him for understanding and acceptance of his will.


The "not yet" answer is the most ambiguous one of all. It can sadly be mistaken as a "NO". Especially because we as humans are very impatient and want things done when and how we want them. Remember that God doesn't like to be bossed around. Ask for patience and signs to let you know weather it is a NO, or a NOT YET. Don't be in denial. Avoid my mistake and listen to those signs. Don't spend your time, (in my case years!) for something to happen when he gave you "NO" 4 years ago. Chances are He has greater plans for you and it may be something better that you could have asked for. But When he Hands you a "NOT YET" be patient and wait and see what the big hold up was about... chances are its was probably worth it!

Lesson Learned on LOVE, DATING, ETC...
"Love is Friendship on Fire"
"A Bird May Love a Fish, But where Would They Live?"

"If you truly Love someone, Set them free. If they Return, They were always yours, If they don't They never were."

I left this one for last because I wasn't sure if I had learned anything. I did! I DID! LOL

A Shallow guy will always be shallow. Don't answer his calls. and don't take the letters he wrote to you seriously. LOL

Educated guys are SEXY!  (yes I used that word! ) But be cautious because some may be arrogant and cocky because of it too. Be wise and befriend them first, if you like what you see, go for the kill! haha..

Don't, by Any means, accept an invite to hang out with someone you have turned down, Chances are they just want to show off and let you know they have someone who gave them what you wouldn't.

Don't waste your time on someone who has made you their second choice. Especially if you know if your heart that you ARE ONE OF A KIND! .  No matter how great of a guy you think he is or how you can attest that there are no others like him, deal with it. Don't let him tell your heart you were runner up. A great guy will come one day and the butterflies will return, and the twinkle in your eyes will shine again.

Don't ever confuse a NO for a NOT YET. Don't spend your time, (in my case years!) for something to happen when he gave you "NO" 4 years ago. Chances are He has greater plans for you and it may be something better that you could have asked for. (Yes, you've already read this. under the Lesson Learned on FAITH... it fits under this one too.)

Once again, Happy New year...

searching for answers....

Alcohol.

I remember feeling the effects of it. I remember turning to to it about three years ago or so. LOL I still remember not feeling anything. The heartache, the confusion, it made it feel surreal and almost like it never happened to me. I guess that's why so many people turn to it. With alcohol even rejection is bearable.

Never have I turned to it again,at least not in that way.  I'm more of a social drinker now. I am able to enjoy a drink while hanging out with friends. The thought of  feeling nothing again is kind of scary. Even if all of my senses were not in tact then, I still knew that I would prefer to feel it all as opposed to feeling empty;to feel nothing. The unpleasant feel was all i had, and although it brought heartache it in fact was something. It was then that i realized that id rather feel something, that I'd rather take what I had, than to feel nothing at all.

This should have given me an idea of what the years to come would be like.

Do you ever search for answers only to find them sitting on your lap? It's hard to accept them, heck its hard to see them when you are blinded by childish dreams, and fairy tale endings.

I guess its time to let go. IF its time to let go, why does it feel so wrong to do so? I think that the only reason why i am now able to bear more of it is because of the power of prayer. My faith has grown so much in the past year and I know that this is a major part of why I am now FINALLY, after all this time, willing to go against my wishes and ignore the fact that it feel so wrong to let go. God is probably sick and tired of my pleas that he is finally doing something to shut me up... lol.

I am done trying to read the signs. I am trying to hard and end up over analyzing every detail and in the end i end up with false hope.

Reality is that a girl like me is not bound to get everything she hopes and dreams for. At times my education seems like its the only dream that will come true. This is probably because it is the one thing I have more control of. I know God has given me the strength to hold two jobs and take 18 hours  and be successful. Although this may not be the case in the coming semesters, he has carried me this whole time. I am eternally grateful for all that he has blessed me with and will continue to do my best to push on and move forward. I no longer envy those who have their parents support, I no longer envy those who have no financial issues to worry about, And I no longer feel alone. He is with me. I cant see him and I cant physically feel him but I know he is there.

I only wish to continue to grow with  and alongside of him. He has many plans for me, I know. I have to be willing to accept the life he has for me and be content with it. I pray that i find happiness in what ever my life is to be.