...just because...

No te puedo olvidar
Contigo descubrí
Tantas cosas que hay en mí

Tu forma de hacerme ver
Que todo lo puedo hacer
No hay nada que me pueda detener

Aunque no estés
Nada nos separará
Lo sabes y lo sé

Tú jamás me has dejado en soledad
Soy felíz por lo que hiciste de mí,
Y no podrán hacerme olvidar

Que fué tu amor que me enseñó
Que fuiste tú quién me enseñó

Todo lo he de intentar
Y si la vida me ha de costar
No importa, a tu lado voy a estar

Tú me enseñaste a amar
Una manera de gozar
Teniéndote aunque no puedas estar

Monday Updates

My Kiddos, Week one is gone. Things at work went fairly smooth for being the beginning of the year. I have a lot of returning students, which I am thrilled about. There are some new ones, and I am trying to get used to them as much as they are trying to get used the rules. I have many hopes for this upcoming year. My staff seems so much better than last year. I am still working on making sure my expectations are met. Some of my new parents have already started with their little attitudes because I have scolded their child and taken away play time. Seriously, they know what kind of kids they have and if they have gotten away with breaking the rules before, its not going to happen with me. Being responsible for 120 kids, and making sure 4 other adults follow instructions, I try my best to catch those who try and break the rules or go around them. If they get caught, they are less likely to repeat them, especially if they are punished for it.


School- arg! where do i start? I have an exam this week, and I have to start a presentation and I have about 7-9 chapters to read up on. I should probably start on some of that while here. (here?---see below)

Work- I am currently at work. i have had a bunch of rude callers. Just waiting for that one call to make it worth the while. Its really no particular call. Just a feeling I get knowing I actually made someones day when they call. Some days I am successful and others, I leave home wishing it had happened, but I am thankful that I don't ever leave this job hating it.

Home- meh! constant questioning by people i live with is getting old. I need to loose myself in my work and school life in order to survive it. I wish I had somewhere to go , someone to talk to, just to see if I am still myself. The only person I talk to, who makes me feel like myself is contemplating not talking to me anymore... but that was expected. Sad- but I must remind myself that i chose this path and there is no way to turn back now.

My Kiddos- year II

Yesterday was the beginning of my second year as a site facilitator for an after school program.

If you follow my blogs, you might have seen a few blogs last year complaining about my staff. I was not planning on returning this year as a site facilitator or to the program at all. My school schedule was all over the place and it would've been impossible for me to accommodate it into my schedule. As if my some sort of miracle I was able to arrange it to fit, dropping this class here and adding it over here.. etc. I had also just been given the approval to work full time at my other job, so I didn't know how I would pull off 40hours of work at job #1, 15hours of work at job #2, taking 15hours of school, plus have time for homework and gym time. The result was not looking too good. I managed to let my boss (job #1) know that I would be working less hours even though I had requested to be considered full time.

I loved my job with the kiddos... despite the horrid staff I had last year I enjoyed every minute of it. So I did what I had to and lie. Told my boss I was starting some sort of treatment and I needed to leave by 2pm. I felt bad for lying but the thought of having my kiddos be wrangled up by someone else was just not a happy thought.

This particular school that I am currently at had a bad reputation. No staff was willing to stick it out for more than a month. The site facilitators they had ran out the door claiming that the kids were off the wall and uncontrollable  Among the program, the substitutes dreaded having to go there because it was so hectic. To my surprise the first year I was offered the Site facilitator position I took it, not knowing what school I would be placed at.  When I found out what school I was at, I was sure that the supervisor did not like me and wanted to get rid of me. I was so nervous and had nightmares about it but I stuck it through. I did have several staff members come and go  but I was determined to get rid of the bad reputation this school had.

I am working on it. The site as a whole has come along way, and the kids are finally understanding a routine, and seeing that no matter what they do.. I show up everyday. I forgive and forget. It is something they never got from other site facilitators. Since I felt my work was not done, I NEEDED to go back.

 My "hubby" was so against me holding two jobs and taking 15 hours of school, he flat out told me I couldn't do it. I felt horrible. No one had ever told me I couldn't handle it. Needless to say we got into a heated discussion and I got what I wanted. I know he means well, I know his concern was that I was taking on too much, but that is just who I am. I probably need to get into the habit of not taking on so much. i am not perfect and I know that because I have so much on my plate, some of my duties(such as homework)are done poorly. I have my priorities, but sometimes my passion to work with kids gets in the way and I don't know how to say no to their angelic faces. (yes, even the rotten apples have angelic faces to me.)

I am hoping for an awesome school year ahead. I want to make this an awesome after school program full of fun filled activities while also completing with all requirements that need to be met.

Minorities Unite!

I was so taken back when a classmate of mine looked at me and said she shared in my frustration. I was taken back because for the first time I felt a connection in how minority students feel.

We sat in class the professor made a comment about phony politicians. The comment is not what this is about. My classmate happens to be of Asian decent. When the "white" people in class hear the teachers comments several of them spoke up. They were apparently offended and thought the professor was insulting them... yet the professor is Caucasian as well.

My classmate caught me gaze, and she smiled  and said... "I know.. I know what you are thinking.... white people are so DEFENSIVE..." as if she had read my mind.

The reason why it took me by surprise was because I had never experience a sense of unity with other minority groups other than that of my own. Its really nice to see that we "brown" people aren't the only ones going through our classes and feeling annoyed every time something is thrown at the Caucasian population, only to hear them get all worked up while OTHERS are throwing their opinions out there.

If minorities are able to tolerate stereotypes made against us all the time... why is it that whites get all worked up about it? Could it be their unwillingness to accept that even their ethnic group has flaws??

Three Months...

Wow. I had not realized it had been this long since I have been on here.

I don't know why I stopped all this time. Words are my life. Im a talker.. but I guess I really haven't had the time to sit and blog. (not that I do now.. Im at work and this post might take all day to type.. lol)

I had an itch to log on a few days ago... and until now I am just making my way in here.
My life has been turned upside down and the only person solely resposible for this is ME. I take full blame and now.. almost 3 months later I am wondering why I chose to act upon such a drastic change.

These past three months I have wondered how and when I got to where i am today. Fact of the matter is that I simply realized that waiting was no longer an option. Waiting for something, for someone is easier said than done. I was simply tired of waiting for something that was never to come.. All those times I cried and begged GOD to release me from the spell I was under were finally thrown at me. And just like that I made the choice to help a bit.

Making the choice was the easy part. Putting that unrequited feeling i had for years away was the worst. I don't intend on sounding cocky or come off as the greatest woman on earth but I know what I am worth and I know what i deserve out of life. I knew that the waiting game was only being played by me alone with no signs of another player entering the game. i was just too blind, too stupid, or too of whatever it was to see it. I don't know where the courage came from, perhaps it was always there. It was just a matter of time.

Needless to say what is done is done. I have no intentions of regretting anything, even if I know that i probably someday will.

Feeling burnt out...ALREADY!?

Is this normal? I haven't even experienced a whole week of classes and work and I am already feeling like I wont be able to handle it. This is scary because I currently have one job and 15 hours of classes with minimal homework assignments since semester just started, but it is only going to get more hectic. Second job will start on sept 6th. NEXT WEEK! eek!


I wish people would stop calling with such dumb questions. I must have heard the "there is no such thing as a dumb question.." phrase 10 times in the past week. In my line of work... (job numero 1) there are such things as dumb questions. I feel for the elders who call and can't navigate through the online portals. Those people im glad to help out, unless of course they frustrated and taking it out on me. The yelling doesn't help.. all they make me do is want to hang up on them.. TEE HEE HEE. lol I must admit tough that it feels good to be as snobby as they are. I do it in a professional matter and yes.. at times i belittle them but ugh.. its so annoying when your only true intentions are to help and they just snap at you!

OMG Don't even get me started on parents who call and inquire about their son's or daughters info. These people are only making their kids handicap individuals. NEWS FLASH- they are adults now... have them call and figure out what classes to register for, Have them call about their financial aid status... and Have them know what placement test they need to take. The real world is NOT THAT scary. They will be okay. Have a little faith in them. This really urks me especially because there are students out there who fend for themselves and some are international students.. countries away from any parental unit and they are able to manage.

As far as my classes go.. I'm feeling a little blah! I don't specifically have a class that I can say I will enjoy this semester.. although I do have a tues-night class that I have yet to attend...so keeping my fingers crossed. I don't know what it is. I guess im still a little down about not being at my old university. Or maybe its just something I need to get used to.

Any who.. that is all . I am off. to answer more calls and later class!

Getting back on the saddle.

I can't recall how long its been since I posted anything. So this is my attempt to get back in to the blog world.

My lack of participation in the blog world has been to many changes my life encountered. Most people would argue and can sit down with me and tell me I like to complicate my life. These people might possibly be correct. I stopped blogging because through my blogs I vent, I sort through thoughts, and I heal. Unfortunately, under certain circumstance not all can be publicly shared. But I've had about enough silence.

Its been a roller coaster ride these past 7-8 months. things are seemed so easy. Although I am not regretting any of the choices that have led me to where I am today. I couldn't help but realize that I had to do something to forget everything. I wanted to get rid of this need to feel like I belonged to something, to someone. That is not the entire reason but yes a big part of it. My other reasons need not be known.

I can lay and think about the many ways this will all end. Sometimes I get a happy ending but most times I end up with a tragic and dramatic end.

We shall see, a day at a time shall reveal it all.